Annie: One For The Books...

Home.

Home. 

It amazes me how one word, 4 letters, 3 phonemes, and 1 syllable can mean so much, but so little. Growing up we were always told to never take things for granted, “you’re gonna miss this” sort of lines. Then one day, something happens, and that line has never meant so much. That idea of not taking things for granted seems so profound all of a sudden. I truly wonder how people can ever really live until they’ve lost something. If you don’t understand the meaning or feeling of what it is to lose something so dear to you, whether that be a person, place, or thing; how could you ever really live? 

A lot of people say, “Well, it’s just a house. Just build a new one.” To them I’d like to reply, “Right. So all those picture frames filled with your memories, they’re just pieces of wood or metal with colored paper inside them. Just go get new ones.” You can’t honestly know what anyone is going through ever, but especially not if you’ve never been in their situation. 

That structure of wood, sheet-rock, spackle, paint, plastic, metal, wires, pipes; it’s not just a structure. That would be like calling a human life, just a body. Each human life has memories, meaning, there’s more to a human than skin and bones. That structure takes on meaning after 20 years and 2 floods. You don’t put a dog down because he went swimming. You give him a bath and dry him off. 

Life is hard, and it seems that as you get older it only gets harder and more complicated; but in all of that complicated mess, you always have that place you call home, right? What happens when that place is suddenly gone? Then what? Where do you run when there’s no where left to turn? 

That structure suddenly becomes everything to you. It holds a meaning like never before. The laughter, the tears, the good food and the bad, the wet dog and muddy shoe prints tracked on the floors, the old welcome mat on the front porch that feels like an old friend, the late nights, the early mornings, the cuddle time by the fire place, the broken bones and scraped knees, that first night back from college, that place you can’t wait to get to after a long day, the consoling cup of tea, hot cup of coffee, warm cup of cocoa, the music, the knowledge gained, the milestones reached, the first crush, first love, first heart break: all wrapped up in this structure of wood, sheet-rock, spackle, paint, plastic, metal, wires, and pipes. 

You never think about any of this until it’s gone. Kind of like you take for granted seeing someone you see everyday until there is no “see ya later” option. 

I guess the whole point of this is, at some point in your life, you will come to a saying: Home is where the heart is, which will raise a question: Where is your heart? Where is your home?

Reason.

“Everything happens for a reason.” In this crazy life, we are almost compelled to find the reason behind everything. Searching for reason gave us the birth of science. Why the sun shines, the flowers bloom, the grass is green… they all have reason. I’ve never been able to figure out why some people act the way they do. Rash behavior, ungrateful, rude, heartless. What made these people the way they are? What made them say the things they do? Bullies. We don’t realize this until we are much older, but the reason people bully in school is because they are unhappy with some part of their own life. It took many years to come to terms with this and make peace with the torture from bullies I went through as a kid. Now, I’m almost happy I went through it. Wouldn’t change it for the world. Humbling. Some people call it a lack of self-esteem, I call it humble. 

Through out all of this searching for reason, there’s been some things I just can’t understand; why the best people had to die so young, why people would start smoking, why we judge based on the size a person rather than the depth of a person. Among all of these, the hardest I’ve had to deal with was finding reason for why an alcoholic acts the way they do, especially toward family members. I questioned if it was something I had done, if something was wrong with me, what I could do to make them feel differently about me, how could I change myself. What I didn’t realize was, there was nothing wrong with me. It was them. 

This discovery came up slightly back in August, when my mom found a book about how alcohol damages the brain. I didn’t fully understand it though until about 25 minutes ago. As a speech pathology major, we have to learn about all the parts of the brain, how the function, what they do, how they tick. I came accross the case of Phineas Gage. He was a rail road worker back when they were building the network across America. He was straight laced, hard working, polite, and had a great personality. He suffered an injury to the frontal lobe of his brain while working on the rail road when a spike went through his skull taking out both prefrontal lobes. He lived; with the spike in his face. However, after the accident, he became belligerent, uncaring, stopped showing up for work, had no regards for anyone but himself. As I was studying, it hit me. 

Prefrontal Cortex. It houses your personality, your actions, insight, foresight, initiation; what make you, you. So, I looked up the alcoholic brain. Sure enough, all of the MRI’s show frontal cortex deterioration - in other words… what makes them, them is gone. That filter of what’s socially acceptable to say and what is not; gone. 

While this could be considered an excuse for these people, it could also be an explanation for those dealing with the alcoholic; a coping mechanism. 

Reason. The sibling to explanation. If you search long enough, you will find it. Sometimes, once we find it we wish we didn’t because we want that answer to be something different. Fact is, things are the way they are for a purpose, to teach us something about our own lives and how we wish to live them. If there is one thing you can do in any bad situation, you can choose to never have to live it again. 

                                             Choice. Explanation.

                                                    Reason. 

Lazy America?

In the news lately, there’s been alot of attention focused toward America’s public education system. While I’m happy it’s getting attention and that the public realizes how important education is, it’s sad that it’s all negative attention. The general public all says “Highschool students are lazy, unmotivated and will never amount to anything.” I believe that for the most part, yes, kids are unmotivated in school. However, people fail to see the bright shining students who ARE motivated, such as myself, and by generalizing and saying that ALL students are unmotivated just discourages the students like myself that are motivated. All throughout school, my work came first, my music second, sports third, and friends got thrown in where they could. Don’t get me wrong, I had a HUGE group of friends and all from different schools within a 40 mile radius. I found time for them, but when I was busy and they were busy, we all understood eachother’s schedules. I graduated with a 92.3 overall highschool average and 11th in my class. My GPA was low because I struggled with math horribly, but I persevered and the FOURTH time I took the math B regents, I finally passed. Also, I didn’t take the easy classes and just skid by to get out of highschool, I actually challenged myself. It was the work ethic my parents instilled in me that made me persevere. My parents never once had to tell me to do my homework because the work ethic they instilled in me when I was younger did it for them. If anything, they had to tell me to take a break. It was because of this perseverance that I got into every college I applied to, even some that I didn’t apply to, and had a full ride with the Dean’s scholarship to go to one of my top choices. Parents, you don’t have to think that taking things away from your children as punishment to make them do their work is going to instill a work ethic in them. My family got a wood burning wood stove insert when I was about 9. My parents didn’t do this to instill a work ethic in me, but because I was told I had to help split & stack wood throughout my summer break and in teh fall to stay warm in the winter, I did it. Seeing the results of my efforts by staying warm in the winter showed me that if you put the work in now, you’ll reap the bennefits later. So just keep in mind, the next time you generalize students as all being lazy, that there are some students who truely do have a passion for learning and are thirsting for knowledge, contrary to the norm. We simply choose to focus on the bad in the educational system, so if a kid wants attention, what are they going to do? They will no longer strive for excellence, they’ll strive to be the worst in order to get that attention that you’re all very freely giving them. So, are we Lazy America?